I'm back. Whew!
I'm not sure if I'm ready to say this to myself, much less to anyone else, but
what an experience I've just had. And for somereason, I'm wishing I could talk to
Gene Poole right now about it....sensing somehow that Gene will understand.
After running the routine finding myself saying, "What if God doesn't love me?"
I immediately felt the energy in my body shift. It was as if I was on drugs or something.
I felt very still, and kind of numb.
So, following the body, I ran a routine about my feeling numb. By the time I was
finished I felt SO STILl....as if somehow the body was going thru a subtle kind
of paralysis...where it would take great effort to move. So I just sat still.
And then....it was as if someone was working on my body....from my back
side....as if invisible hands were on my shoulders and reaching down my
spine....and somehow massaging the energy somehow.
I just kept still for a while and then I felt this movement of
energy moving up my spine.....kind of tingling. It went up
to my shoulder blades. And then I began sensing this stuff
....gosh, as if I were on acid or something....sensing I was an
ant of somekind...or like a mantis. You know, big head and
long skinny arms. And I was walking around eating food...
as if I was on the ground. It was the strangest feeling.
Being an 'ant'....moving like an ant...but knowing I wasn't
an ant.....knowing I was just having an experience of
being an ant. It was really stange in that even though I
was this ant, I still had these thoughts running thru me...
thoughts that weren't the ant's thoughts, no. But thoughts
about my being an ant.
I'm going to sit with this a bit, but my immediate impression
is that this was a teaching in detachment....in recognizing
that 'I' am not in the form I keep, and strangely, at the same
time, that 'I' am not in the thoughts I think.
What comes to me now is the question, "If
I'm not the body I'm residing in, then who
is it that is afraid that God won't love her?"
The area between my shoulder blades is still tight and sore.
And I feel as though I could sleep. Even though I have other
work to do, I think I'll follow the body's cue to rest.